I guess all I'm trying to do is to convince myself that I am happy and that nothing can ever make me feel sad because I lift it all to Him to work on my life for a better future and to just go with the flow so that everything will just fall into place according to His plans but sometimes PMS slaps me in the face and ask me to wake up to the realization that I want to belong where I really belong and that's someplace like HOME.
I miss the comfort of my HOME. Not exactly our house but I miss being too comfortable. I miss my old life. I miss my family, my best friend, my boyfriend, my close friends. Sometimes, I do wonder how my life would be like if I didn't move here and just stayed in Manila. What will my everyday be like? What is my work like? What is my weekend like and who I hangout with. Stuff like that intrigues me. I miss having a really close friend around where I can be who I really am and not be afraid to bitch around because we're too close to even care. A friend who I can drag wherever to join me in my ups and downs. I'm just so glad I spent the last days of my stay in Manila with my bff doing just exactly.
I can lose control of myself especially my emotions. I just wish I'm better at handling my emotions more than anything else so that I can control my temper and how I treat the people around me. I want to be likable and always in control and as much as I want to know what to do at all times I know it doesn't work that way. Wisdom comes with experience and that is what I want to have. I always lose control of my emotions like now, I feel so down I just want to shut myself from the world. I know that nobody cares enough but it's just how I feel now. I WANNA SHUT MYSELF OFF FROM THE WORLD. I wish I can just disappear but I still have duties to attend to. It sucks. I know. I give too much importance to myself.
It's March 10, 2013 now and I'm a month and 3 weeks from a Boracay vacation for 5 days. I know it's a little bit too much that's why I haven't asked my boss for a leave yet. I'm just too scared to leave my responsibilities behind and just have a vacation. Either that or I'm just too scared to disappoint my boss that I'll take too long of a leave but I know that that is what I need. I need to get away and spend some time with my really close friend, Sarah, my college block mates and my new found friends whom I have yet to establish a rapport because honestly, I still feel a little awkward around them. I find it hard to fit in a group. My social skills has declined since I graduated college. I'm now officially an awkward wallflower.
I know it's a bit too early but my birthday wish is for my bff to fly over and celebrate it with me because I want to celebrate God's gift of another year with a person I'm really comfortable with and who really understands me who won't get mad if I get a little boring or a little crazy! I just really miss her. hihi.
I still feel a little too emotional now just because this PMS is a bitch and it won't leave me alone. I can't shake this feeling off. UGH. So bye for now. I'll come back when I'm better.
xx,
Annie
